Depressed: Focal, being the 0.5 breadwinner, SPA modes

*Disclaimer - If your my boss, my officemate, blood-related, or someone I know, if you're reading this, don't take this blog personally. Kapeesh?

Depressed, I am...

WORK - Just had my focal download 2 weeks ago. Well, it's not that bad but it's not good enough. During my focal download, I never asked a single question about it. I was tired and literally pulling my eyelids to stay awake during the 1:1 discussion. I didn't bother to ask any question. Why? Well, I do expect a "scripted" answer from my boss. So why bother. I'll be more depressed, that's all. I expected something more than what I received. I worked at home after office hours, worked during weekends, etc. Well, some people from my rank group did the same. But, did they considered the "value-added" stuff I did in such a short span of time. That I'm inexperienced. That I just got out of college, no training or internship whatsoever. That I assumed a lot of responsibilities. That I was cleaning up their mess. Blah blah blah. The thing i hate most is that, they or we always say that we have to challenge everyone. It's worth the risk. But did they bothered to challenge the focal system. I don't think so. Right now, I'm giving my employers another chance. If the end result in the next focal review would still be the same, as-is, then it's time for me to pack my bags and leave.

HOME - Let's just say that I'm half the breadwinner in our family. I'm single, young, somewhat successful. I want to be independent. I want to live a worry-free life. But I guess that won't happen soon. Maybe after 5 years. After my sister graduate from college. After she get's a job. That will make me 1/3 breadwinner for the Diaz family.

LOVE - Single since birth. Some casual flings, that's all. Need I say more. I do not envy people going on dates, etc. But sometimes, I wish I have someone. Sheeesh. I don't usually switch to SPA mode (Self Pity Again - heard it from Van, Jona and Jerk). All I can do right now is to day-dream. What-ifs run in my head.

Oh well, all I can do right now is to dream. Dream that sooner or later, I'll wake-up from this dream. That, when I wake up, I'll have a great job, living in my own flat, with a girl in my bed.

Wake-up Deej, WAKE THE FUCK UP!