softer side of dj

you'll never see my crying. not because i have no emotions or apathetic. it's just that, i don't want people around me to take pity on me. last time i cried was 3 years ago. i talked to giselle and told her my problems. who would have known that i have this made-for-tv soap-opera-like life.

just a while ago, i just found out that my dad ain't doing anything for my sister's future. she'll be graduating next week with honors, and she passed UPCAT. he said for my sister to wait for the result of a scholarship exam she applied to. then what? fuck!

i do hate my dad. he never gave me anything when i was in college. well, he did, for like 3 days worth of allowance. 3 days vs the 5 yrs in UP? and so i thought that he'll change when my sister goes to college. fuck! i'm not directly burdened with the responsibility, but who else will? my mom only works part-time as a gym instructress.

my sister can just go to a no-no university, but what good will that bring. not to offend anyone who goes to this schools, but i still believe that the school you go into will give you bogger opportunities.

and so, as i was thinking about my current salary, calculating how much allowance per month my sister needs, the tuition fees (well, tuition fee in UP is affordable), and other financial stuff, i decided to send my sister to UP. my sister and i always have small arguments. but she's still my sister. and i don't want my father's incapability (more of a disability) trash my sister's plans.

after i told my sister, i went back to my room, and then shed a couple of tears. if only i can offer her more? why do i have to do this? a lot of things were running in my head. when will i get this hefty salary so i can move out and still send my sister into college? when can i move out? when will this be over?

just to boost my ego and confidence, i'm listening to R. Kelly's "World's Greatest."

anyway, i need to get some rest. i don't want to become too emotional. i remember back in college, i was so emotional to the point that i don't even talk to people, have lunch by myself, leave early, and just lock myself up in my room. so if you see me having lunch by myself or just taking out food and eating in my cube, then you're seeing the emotional and softer side of dj.

"The World's Greatest"
I am a mountain. I am a tall tree. Ohhh, I am a swift wind. Sweepin' the country.
I am a river. Down in the valley. Ohhh, I am a vision. And I can see clearly.
If anybody asks you who I am. Just stand up tall look 'em in the face and say.

[Chorus]
I'm that star up in the sky.
I'm that mountain peak up high.
Hey, I made it. I'm the worlds greatest.
And I'm that little bit of hope.
When my backs against the ropes.
I can feel it. I'm the worlds greatest.

I am a giant. I am an eagle. I am a lion. Down in the jungle.
I am a marchin' band. I am the people. I am a helpin' hand. And I am a hero.
If anybody asks you who I am. Just stand up tall look 'em in the face and say.