Psycho Babble

Seriously, I’m one of those guys who hide their emotions. It’s a known fact (well, based on statistics and some psychological studies) that men tends to hide their feelings compared to women (which explains the shorter life span of males vs. the female population). It’s hard for a guy to be so emotional as he will be tagged as either weak or gay. As for me, I did shed some tears every now and then, especially during my third year in college. But I only opened up myself to one person and I think once was enough.

 

It was during my third year in UP wherein I shared some stuff with a female friend who I courted (almost courted, somewhat courted, whatever). I was in emotional breakdown and I told her that I need some perspective on what’s been happening in my life. It was during a sleepover at Leney’s place for an IE project/BA case study when I shared something to her that made me cry. After that, I then realized 2 things, I don’t feel weak at all for sharing something with one of my closest friends, and I also realized that “Tao pala ako, umiiyak, nasasaktan (awwww).” But I think that my pogi points dropped. Anyway, “we” were never meant to be in the first place, it was just a college crush.

 

Right now, I feel somewhat apathetic to what’s been happening in my life. It was like I had Prozac to numb my senses. Maybe I just shut myself off from what’s been happening in my life, knowing that life continues so why fumble on my petty emotional episodes. How I wish to cry again and feel human, but then again, why waste time thinking for solutions which are far-fetched.

 

BUT, I learned something which made me realize that I don’t have to keep every emotional battles that I’m experiencing. Talking to Gizelle (my college friend) made me sane, waking me up that suicide is not an option. Yes, I was a half suicidal, half-neurotic when I was in college. Something that you don’t know. Don’t worry, to-date I’m less suicidal, more homicidal but a full-pledged neurotic. I won’t be shooting heads soon, maybe later after 4pm.